One of the most difficult choices we have to make is to let go. Of a shirt, a blanket, a pet, a friend, a family member. Surrendering is always painful, there is always a certain degree of sadness with each loss. A life, a relationship, an attachment. But there is also a beauty, a freedom that comes with loss. A section of yourself that frees up and can allow for growth, for movement, change. Ghandi said we must live in moderation. Eating, drinking, breathing, living, loving in moderation is the key to a happy, successful life. What then, when a person becomes a part of you, a pet makes your heart burst with joy, a blanket is stitched together with memories? No, this is not the end of the world at large, but it is the end of a world of sorts.
We get so wrapped up in what these things, people, items, say about us that we meld them into ourselves. We feel we cannot go on without them. Our lives will be so drastically changed, altered beyond repair now that our shirt has an irreparable hole! I know losing a life is not something to be taken lightly, I don't plan on acting that way should I lose someone close to me. And I know that I have never lost anyone close to me, but I do know that our lives are governed by our actions. And negative actions can propel a negative association. What on earth is she talking about? I don't know. But I do know that there is a way to remember someone and there is a way to celebrate someone.
OK enough of the rant, this is what I'm getting at. Everything in life should be celebrated, every small happening, small relationship- whether it is with a human, an animal, an inanimate object. It brought you many different emotions and experiences at some point in your life, you have a companion- despite whatever that noun is- with you at all times, someone or something to share an experience with. That flannel shirt is the one you wore when he noticed you the way you've always wanted him to. That ring is the one you wore everyday you traveled Thailand and would twist it around our finger anytime you got confused or lost. That dog is the one you would come home to every day and watch Baywatch with while sneaking him Oreos he shouldn't have been eating before letting him chase you and your friends around the neighborhood. That Grandmother is the one who held you when you were a baby and told you stories you'll never remember about another lifetime you'll never see. These are the connections we have, these are the relationships. When someone dies, when something is lost, when things happen in life, all we are left with are these feelings, fleeting glimpses like short videos or moving photographs in our minds of a time when that person or that thing brought us joy, comfort, happiness, shared our pain or eased our suffering.
A loss should never be easy, but a life should always be celebrated. The dog's life, your grandmother's life, the life you felt in that shirt, the life you lived in that ring. Celebrate those things, give everything the recognition it deserves. Have a small, personal memorial, a ceremony- whether you do it in your head or bring it out to the world, and celebrate that long or brief relationship. And then let go. Don't let go of the memories, the emotions, the moments. Those are untouchable, those are as much a part of you as your fingernails and knee caps. But the physical, the tangible, let go of that. Watch them float away in your mind and keep with you everything you shared with them. And see the world as a better place for having allowed you to share such a precious time with that person, experience so many memorable moments in that shirt, enjoying a laugh at the dog licking your face. Thank them. Celebrate them. And let them go. No one wants to be a ghost, and no one needs a ghost around.
