The Laughter of the Gods

A long time ago, before trees were trees, before clouds were clouds, the gods inhabited this earth. Naked and unaware, they would sit around an laugh together needing nothing but each others company and the world around them. They would drink and play games and laugh, and each laugh would fill the world a little more with something special. A flock of birds flying high, a field of poppies smiling under the sun, a song on their lips. The gods filled their days with happiness and mirth, each with their own purpose and each aware of the others purpose. One day, the god of warm bodied creatures was walking and tripped over echs own foot. Ech laughed at himself, so full and so hard and so pure, that a human appeared. The god was startled by this being, something so familiar and yet so foreign, that ech laughed even more. The human, not knowing who or where or what he himself was became frightened at the booming sound of echs laughter, a feeling unknown to the god. This reaction made the god laugh louder and harder than even before and two more humans appeared, just as scared as the first. The god brought the humans back to the other gods to show them what ech had created. Such a simple and silly creation, a smaller, more tangible version of themselves (the gods were not solid beings such as humans are, you see, they could bend like the grass and move with the wind, they could shine bright as the sun and cast shadows dark as night. They were wondrous beings as transparent as air and opaque as a stone. One could not describe their appearance, they were neither man nor woman, solid nor gas, left nor right, up nor down, though they seemed all these things, they still looked like you and me.) The humans huddled close together in the overwhelming sight of the gods, forming a bond between themselves they could neither touch, nor see, nor explain.

As with all other creations, the gods grew tired of these beings and left them to live amongst themselves like the deer and rabbits and foxes and trees. The gods continued in their games, drawing pictures with the stars, using trees as slingshots, shooting rocks into the sky, playing tricks on each other. The god of earth was notorious for creating mudslides as other gods walked down mountains causing them to slide the whole way down. This always brought out laughter and the world would grow richer with beautiful things. One god laughed so hard ech stomped his foot on the ground and the earth shook for an hour. On a dare one summer, the god of seasons held echs breath for so long they experienced winter for an entire year.  As the gods continued in their games and merriment, more humans appeared. One autumn day, the god of wind grew curious to see how these beings lived. The gods had lived in the mountains for so long, (gods are not like us humans, the do not need shelter. They are the rain, the wind, the snow, the sun, the earth. They are everything they create. The earth is their home, sun their fire, rain their shower. They live in the fields, grass their bed, a pillow of stone. A god has no needs, he, or she -ech, just is. But the gods were not solid beings like the humans. They were without wants, they were without needs, they were without fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, pain. So curious was this god of these foreign ways that ech transformed into a gust of air and blew over to where they were living.

The god of wind observed these creatures for three days and three nights. Each day more surprising than the next. On the first day, ech noticed they had multiplied. There were humans of all sizes now, little tiny ones the god could crush with an eyelash, medium ones running around everywhere, and big ones too (compared to the littlest ones, anyway). These beings had formed ways of communicating, carving into trees and digging up dirt. The gods had never needed communication before, their thoughts traveled on the wind. (They were all one, really.) 


  the humans had torn down the branches of the trees The god of wind was appalled at what ech saw. These humans were destroying everything the gods had created. And they had multiplied.  There were little boxes and triangles everywhere that the humans were walking in and out of. The trees were without their limbs, animals without their lives, and their skins. The humans had draped the skins over their own shoulders. It was a gruesome and dreadful sight, the god had never felt this way before, how could something they had created destroy their brothers and sisters? Those trees had come from the same womb, the animals the same belly, the earth the same mother. These humans were destroying themselves, their environment, they were destroying their makers. The god of wind did not know that he was feeling a deep sadness, the gods had never had reason to feel this way. 

Ready to Run

One week before my journey- seven days. I'm in a well of emotions. Unfortunately, sadness is at the front, followed very closely by excitement. But still, sadness is my main emotion these days. It is difficult to remember that a window is open when you're stuck watching a door close in your face in slow motion. For seven more days. Some of the most incredible people I've met are on this trip. Ones I'm not ready to live without. I think the fear of never seeing some of these people weighs heavily on my mind. That such an impact on my life will only be a freckle, dust in the past, if given the time. Amazing to see how time makes everything minute. And it never stops either. If I could stop time, choose one moment to stop time and keep living, as much as I love everything about this moment, about my life, my friends, etc, I know this wouldn't be the moment I choose to live in. I have so much growing and changing to do. And though I'm sad to leave and scared of what lies ahead, the thought that I'm not ready to stop time just yet, I'm not ready to stop growing and changing propels me forward. Gives me hope. And suddenly I'm feeling something other than sadness, that sadness has suddenly begun changing on its own, into something more tangible. Something more appreciative. I feel gratitude. To my friends, family, country- old and new, to my past, to the present, and to the future. I know I'm ready.

Dance of loneliness

He's out the door
Its all you can do
To stop him.
Standing there
Naked in the doorway
Drop down in heaves
Of silence.
Is this right
Was this wrong
It's gone again.
Light another one up
Replace the last
And you're gone again.
Shooting through your veins
One thing on your brain
Like heroine.
The waiting is done
When you breathe the one
That sticks to your lungs 

Like tar.
Blackens you 

From the inside out
Blood dried 

Veins in drought
Thoughts leave your brain in doubt.
Heart crumbled to ash
Dusts the floor

Mixing with 

The cigarette tip
One more drag 

The world is gone.

Last cigarette
Drag it all in
Before the world ends.
Light goes out
Toss it down 

Stomp it out.
No second thought 

Move on.
Another dance alone
Same old song.

One Step Forward

There are too many moments in life we wish we could remember, lock away in a secret place only to pull them out when our hearts grow heavy. A reminder that there are things to smile about, good people, wonder in the world. But we tuck these instances, these moments away and forget. Forget that despite language barriers, you taught a girl to whistle, had a full conversation, found your destination, had an amazing day. One simple, simply amazing day. And tomorrow, or one day down the road, when the monotony of life hits hard and fast, you can pull that out of hiding, feel the warmth and happiness, accomplishment, wonder. Remember that you made that happen. You made it happen simply by taking one single step forward. And remind yourself there are many more to take.

A Better Tomorrow

What's going on in the world today?
Politicians finding games to play
Fighting wars with no end in sight
Losing our minds with no reason to fight
The blame comes easy when it's someone else's head
As long as people remember after we're dead
Living our lives to be immortal
Sure there's a light at the end of the tunnel
Fighting so hard to live when we're gone
We've lost sight of what still needs to be done
Where's the love we owe to ourselves?
We'll find it when we put the media on the shelf.
Stealing from ads and labels and clothes
Losing ourselves as our arrogance grows
Live not for today or even our name
Live not by another's rules to this game
Live your life for someone else's tomorrow
True immortality cannot be borrowed.

It didn't matter where we were going

Remember those days
Singing in the car
To whatever came on the radio?
We did something good back then.
We lived in laughter
Not thinking about what comes next.
Drumming out of beat
On the wheel and the dash
Feeling it in our bones.
Windows down
Sun on our elbows
It didn't matter where we were going.
Those days
It was all about the ride.

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

One of the most difficult choices we have to make is to let go. Of a shirt, a blanket, a pet, a friend, a family member. Surrendering is always painful, there is always a certain degree of sadness with each loss. A life, a relationship, an attachment. But there is also a beauty, a freedom that comes with loss. A section of yourself that frees up and can allow for growth, for movement, change. Ghandi said we must live in moderation. Eating, drinking, breathing, living, loving in moderation is the key to a happy, successful life. What then, when  a person becomes a part of you, a pet makes your heart burst with joy, a blanket is stitched together with memories? No, this is not the end of the world at large, but it is the end of a world of sorts.

We get so wrapped up in what these things, people, items, say about us that we meld them into ourselves. We feel we cannot go on without them. Our lives will be so drastically changed, altered beyond repair now that our shirt has an irreparable hole! I know losing a life is not something to be taken lightly, I don't plan on acting that way should I lose someone close to me. And I know that I have never lost anyone close to me, but I do know that our lives are governed by our actions. And negative actions can propel a negative association. What on earth is she talking about? I don't know. But I do know that there is a way to remember someone and there is a way to celebrate someone.

OK enough of the rant, this is what I'm getting at. Everything in life should be celebrated, every small happening, small relationship- whether it is with a human, an animal, an inanimate object. It brought you many different emotions and experiences at some point in your life, you have a companion- despite whatever that noun is- with you at all times, someone or something to share an experience with. That flannel shirt is the one you wore when he noticed you the way you've always wanted him to. That ring is the one you wore everyday you traveled Thailand and would twist it around our finger anytime you got confused or lost. That dog is the one you would come home to every day and watch Baywatch with while sneaking him Oreos he shouldn't have been eating before letting him chase you and your friends around the neighborhood. That Grandmother is the one who held you when you were a baby and told you stories you'll never remember about another lifetime you'll never see. These are the connections we have, these are the relationships. When someone dies, when something is lost, when things happen in life, all we are left with are these feelings, fleeting glimpses like short videos or moving photographs in our minds of a time when that person or that thing brought us joy, comfort, happiness, shared our pain or eased our suffering.

A loss should never be easy, but a life should always be celebrated. The dog's life, your grandmother's life, the life you felt in that shirt, the life you lived in that ring. Celebrate those things, give everything the recognition it deserves. Have a small, personal memorial, a ceremony- whether you do it in your head or bring it out to the world, and celebrate that long or brief relationship. And then let go. Don't let go of the memories, the emotions, the moments. Those are untouchable, those are as much a part of you as your fingernails and knee caps. But the physical, the tangible, let go of that. Watch them float away in your mind and keep with you everything you shared with them. And see the world as a better place for having allowed you to share such a precious time with that person, experience so many memorable moments in that shirt, enjoying a laugh at the dog licking your face. Thank them. Celebrate them. And let them go. No one wants to be a ghost, and no one needs a ghost around.